A healthy sex life is an important part of a couple’s relationship. But what does that mean?
A healthy sex life is about openly communicating with each other and working together to achieve the outcomes that you desire as a couple. If you are unable to do this, a couples counselor can help tremendously. You must be on the same page for a healthy sex life. That “page” is unique to each couple — do not compare yourself to others.
Once you have openly communicated your needs and heard your partner’s needs, it is important to take time out regularly for your partner. A healthy sex life is full of intimacy, not just sexual acts. Carve time out to spend quality time with your partner. Hold hands, kiss, snuggle, etc. Do the things that ignite the fire for your partner and vice versa. And yes, take time out for sex.
In general, women tend to diminish the importance of sex with their partner and men tend to diminish the importance of the intimacy surrounding sexual intercourse. Both are important. Both men and women benefit hormonally, emotionally, and physically by having a loving, intimate sexual relationship with their partner.
Women should not use sex consciously as something to withhold or use as a tool to get what they want. Realize that having sex with your partner is a way to increase bonding and release stress. I mention this because there are a small number of women who do this and it is not ok. Now, if a woman is upset at her partner the sexual desire disappears and that is a different issue–it is not a conscious act to punish her partner. In this instance, work on resolving the disagreement and the lack of sex drive typically resolves on its own. Men may mistake this as “using sex as a tool”, but it is not. It is just that women have a difficult time having a sex drive when stressed or upset.
Women do need to understand that when they talk about sex, men’s brains instantly think it is going to happen. I caution women to be gentle and understanding of this. Women typically do not intend to tease men, they just think differently. Be aware of this fact and be thoughtful–do not promise what you will not follow through on.
Men should understand that women’s libido starts in the brain. Women tend to like to think about sex for a while and to be romanced. This is why communication is huge! Talk to each other and really share what it is you want and need. Do this in a gentle way of course. If you do not share, you can not expect to get what you want.
A healthy Testosterone level is important for both men and women. It is like gasoline to a car–without it, it is tough to get going. But like a car, you have an ignition switch that must be turned. Your mind is that switch. By taking time to communicate properly and taking time out for your partner on a regular basis, you are turning the key. A healthy sex life is obtainable if you and your partner desire it.